LGBT Group Protests Evolution
MUDCAT FALLS — A local alternative lifestyle advocacy group, Cranky LesGaBiTransians for Accommodation in Public, staged a demonstration in front of Calabash-Hoover High School today to protest the teaching of the Theory of Evolution.
“It is a violation of our civil rights for a government funded school to indoctrinate the youths of this nation in discriminatory and exclusionary notions that are clearly out of step with the progress of modern human society,” declared Alicia Fingletart, CLAP’s Chief Indignation Officer. “They might as well be forcing those children to pray on their knees to a statue of the baby Jesus, so we are here today calling for the separation of hate and state.”
Fingletart explained that just like intolerant religious and traditional notions of marriage, Darwin’s Theory of Natural Selection presupposes the propagation of species only by the union of one male and one female. CLAP has threatened to seek legal relief, if necessary, citing numerous appellate court successes that have cleared the way to affirm the legality of same-sex marriage in 30 states and the District of Columbia.
“Unfortunately, the considerable power of the Supreme Court does not extend to overruling scientific fact,” said Jean Blyth Empedecles, Executive Director of the Consensus of Literalists for Accuracy in Physiology. “Three plus three does not equal seven, in math or biology.”
Fingletart dismissed such notions being promoted by groups like the scientific CLAP as horrifically antiquated in consideration of medical advances in artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization.
“By definition, ‘artificial’ insemination cannot be natural selection,” countered Empedecles. “What is it that these people do not get about reality?”
The Calabash County Unified School District Board of Education released a statement pledging to consider the sociological CLAP group’s demand to drop Darwin’s theories from the curriculum at their next meeting.
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