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Group to NFL: Change Name of Chiefs

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KANSAS CITY — A group of local businessmen has formally petitioned the National Football League to change the official name of the Kansas City franchise from the “Chiefs” to the “CEOs”.

“It is actually a quite eloquent solution, because it resolves the angst of the Native American Indians caused by political incorrectness, yet allows us sports fans to retain the beloved nickname of the hometown team we grew up with,” said John Henry Andrew Gatesbuffet, founder of the CEOs for Litigation Avoidance and Profits. “After all, we are called the ‘Chief’ Executive Officers of our companies, so it fits perfectly. It really is a classic Win-Win-Win solution for all parties involved.”

The CLAP proposal recommends changing the name of “Arrowhead Stadium” to “Boardroom Field” and making the new logo the silhouette of a Gulfstream G-5, but notes that team colors could remain the same in honor of the traditional white shirt and red tie attire of top business leaders. The group also calls for changes to the cheerleader’s outfits to make them look like sexy business suits.

Local Calabash County Native American rights activist, Chief Walter Elk Intestines of the Shemp-Pa-Queeg tribe, seemed confused and sputtered unintelligibly when he learned the details of the proposal.

The NFL has yet to comment on CLAP’s petition.

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