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George W. Bush Ate My Homework

MUDCAT FALLS — Sophomore Barrington H. O’Camlin was unexpelled from Calabash-Hoover High School after a hearing, during which he blamed former President George W. Bush for his poor grades, chronic tardiness, acute absenteeism and record breaking detentions.

“”What we inherited when we walked in the door was an education situation that was far worse than anybody ever knew,” said Clinton Svinktaogle, President of the local chapter of the ALCU, who represented O’Camlin at the hearing. “After eight years of neglect and destructive policies, the hole we inherit and the hole that we have to fill is very, very deep.”

O’Camlin, forty-five minutes late arriving at the hearing, was re-instated at his previous grade point average of 0.942, but the administrative law judge also awarded an additional 3.000 points in punitive damages, making him eligible for nomination to the National Honor Society for the first time in his academic career.

“Finally, we are on the road to reversing the ruinous effects of the No Child Left Behind Act,” National Education Association spokesman Cullen D. Hurd declared triumphantly. “And if Mr. O’Camlin’s fantastic new achievements are any indication, there is hope for changing and transforming this nation’s education system.”

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