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CDR: GOPTOX Treatment

GOPTOX® (onapolilibametootoxinA) is a prescription medicine that is injected into Republican Party members and used:

  • to counteract overactive bladder symptoms such as a strong need to urinate with leaking or wetting accidents (urge urinary incontinence), a strong need to urinate right away (urgency), and urinating often (frequency) particularly when confronted with principled political or ideological challenges and opposition
  • to prevent headaches in RINOs who experience chronic migraines 15 or more days each month with headaches lasting 4 or more hours each day when in the presence or influence of Conservatives, Libertarians and/or Tea Party Activists
  • to increase stiffness in back, neck, spine, character, values, and principles due to chronically submissive posture
  • to treat the abnormal head position and neck pain that happens with conservative cervical confrontation dystonia (CCCD)
  • to treat certain types of eye impairment problems (“the vision thing”) or abnormal spasm of the eyelids (blinking) particularly when taking a principled stand on issues
  • GOPTOX® is also injected into the skin to treat the symptoms of severe underarm sweating (severe primary axillary hypermediarosis) during topical applications of media scrutiny
  • GOPTOX® Cosmetic is a prescription medicine that is injected into muscles and used to improve the look of moderate to severe frown lines between the eyebrows (glabellar lines) due to constant consternation or confusion
  • It is not known whether GOPTOX® is safe or effective to treat increased stiffness in values, morals or principles. GOPTOX® has not been shown to help people perform task-specific functions with upper congnitive functions or increase perception and intuition in individuals that are permanently fixed in position by petrified gray matter or calcified political self-interest. Treatment with GOPTOX® is not meant to be a substitute for existing personality or other character traits that upbringing or creator may have originally endowed.

The FDA has not determined that GOPTOX® is an effective treatment for political irrelevance and/or mainstream media disdain. May cause a belief in having been abducted by space aliens. May not do anything at all or may cause immediate and irreversible death or worse. May cause periods of simultaneous diarrhea and constipation resulting in uncontrollable bowel breaching resembling the periscope-like eruption of space creatures from abdominal areas or just more routine anal leakage. May attract cats to eat your flesh while sleeping.

See also John McCain, Lindsey Graham, Karl Rove, Reince Priebus, John Boehner,  Wacko Birds, Tea Party, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, et al

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