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CDR: Dissociated Press Disorder

We all get lost in a good book or movie. But someone with Dissociated Press Disorder escapes reality in ways that are involuntary and unhealthy. The symptoms of Dissociated Press Disorder — ranging from amnesia to alternate identities — usually develop as a reaction to traumatic cognitive journalistic dissonance and help keep difficult realities, memories and historical facts at bay.

Treatment for dissociative disorders may include, psychotherapy, medication, cable network quarantining, extreme attention deprivation and channel changing.  Treating dissociative disorders can be difficult and few, if any, people afflicted with DPD are able to learn new ways of coping and rarely lead healthy, productive lives outside of journalism, politics and punditry.

Common signs and symptoms include:

  • Memory loss (amnesia) of certain time periods, events, people and, even, current events. For some reason modern mainstream journalists exhibit a near pandemic black-out of the period from January, 1981 to January, 1989
  • Mental health problems, including depression and anxiety (“What’s the frequency, Kenneth?”)
  • A sense of being detached from yourself and others (e.g., CNN ratings)
  • A blurred sense of identity, most commonly expressed as an inane insistence on objectivity
  • A perception of the people and things around you as distorted and unreal (derealization)

See also Main Stream Media, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN, NPR, Fox News, New York Times, Time Magazine, Media Matters, Huffington Post, et al.

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